My story with music began even before I was born, when my mom (who is a piano teacher) would play the piano and listen all day long to Mozart’s symphonies & Beethoven’s sonatas “to have smart kids” (as she used to say) and my dad would sing Christian lullabies.
Being raised in a musical household, it didn’t take long until I fell in love with music. My story with piano began at 5 years old, when I would cry every single day and ask my mom to teach me how to play the piano. I was already obsessed with it. I remember practicing hours a day and competing in almost every single competition I could. That lasted many years until I became such a perfectionist that I lost the joy of playing music along the way. All I wanted was to win and to play perfectly. Sometimes that wasn’t possible, so the pressure of not being perfect became so unbearable that, eventually, I quit playing the piano, after graduating music school 10 years ago.
At first, I was happy with my choice but, eventually, I started to long for the joy I once had, and while the void in my heart grew deeper and deeper as time went by, so did my dream of going back to playing the piano.
2023 has been the hardest year of my entire life: emotional, spiritual and health-wise. There were many moments when I really didn’t think I would make it through. I was clinging onto the last bit of hope and faith I had and I promised God that, when He will give me health and strength, I will start following His plan for my life, the one I haven’t followed because of my many fears, although I have always been sure of it.
He wanted me to keep my word and it didn’t last long until God made a way. In autumn 2023, I’ve received a challenge from the violin professor, to learn “Salut d’Amour” and to play it in April 2024 at a spring concert. I accepted the challenge and I started practicing. I didn’t know at the time that the hardest months of my life would come and I would not be able to rehearse anymore. But the more I couldn’t play, the more I wanted to do it.
If there was a day where I would feel ok, I would practice as much as I could. And then, on January 10th, we received the invitation to sing the closing act of a concert dedicated to Unification day, celebrated in Romania every year on the 24th January. The concert was going to be on 22th January, which means, instead of having 4 months of rehearsals, we now had only 12 days.
My initial response was an instant “NO”. I haven’t sung in 10 years, so now was I supposed to play in 12 days? But I started feeling like I am, once again, closing a door that God wants opened. So I accepted the challenge with a lot of fear and the small faith I had at the moment. When I got home, I began writing my prayer down, the first official one of the year 2024, and I confessed in the beginning that I was nervous and fearful, but that if He really wants me to sing, I knew He would do a miracle.
It’s still mesmerizing to me what the Lord has helped us achieve in such a short period of time. I was happy and content with myself.
And then, the concert day came. I woke up at 6:00 o’clock in the morning with such severe anxiety I hadn’t had in a long time. I started thinking that perhaps I understood it all wrong and maybe this wasn’t my call, after all. And while I was about to call and cancel our performance, I opened my Bible app and read the verse of the day:
“When I said, ‘My foot is slipping’, your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought me joy.” (Psalms 94:18,19)
I understood right then and there that this was, once again, a matter of faith. And if in the past I would run away and choose not to face it, today I was determined to choose faith over fear.
And oh, let me tell you, the joy the Lord brings when you’re following His plan for your life and you’re doing what makes you happy!
And while I realize that the story that I’m sharing may seem like nothing for some people reading it, I know that there are others who will get me, who understand that a life without God and without music is purposeless.
And one thing I really love about God is that He is faithful even in the most minor details. As I was playing the piano, my feet started shivering (it’s been happening a lot while rehearsing because of a 3rd degree burn that I’ve suffered few months prior) to the point that I could not control them. I looked up on my music sheet, where I had written the verse of the day, and I remembered the promise: that He will support me. And although they still shivered until I finished the song, I was at peace because I knew that I had His strength.
This is my first story of many more to come of how faithful God is in His plans for His children. And the joy that comes from following His plan cannot compare to any other feeling in the world. So I want to encourage you today: step into faith and choose faith over fear. And let God take control of your life. Because once we do that, we find real peace and abounding joy.